Bangkok - think before you book

My bowel is still on edge after seeing Nicolas Winding Refn's latest offering, the much anticipated 'Only God Forgives'. I like to think I can stomach film violence. I'm a big Scorsese fan, I've sat through quite a few of Tarantino's offerings and have watched more mafia drama than I've had hot dinners yet all of the dead bodies in the fridge/acid dunkings in the world could not have prepared me for the 90 minute bloodbath I was about to witness. Brief plot outline: Bang-cock. Gosser’s brother rapes and murders a 16 year old prozzie (welcome to Thailand!) and is, in turn, beaten to a pulp by girl’s father (revenge, innit blad) Gosser’s mother descends on Bang-cock to pick up the body and encourage another revenge hit on girl’s father. Lots of blood, freaky swords, karaoke, dodgy locales, fried food, fags.

It’s a big coup for Gosser’s Tossers as he is superb – in fact, they’re ALL superb! Kristen Scott Thomas royally sticks two fingers up to the Franco-English bellends who continue to typecast her as a) Upper class bitch b) Foreign housewife with a penchant for ménage-a-trois/homewrecking/fags (with the exception of Minghella’s masterpiece ‘The English Patient’, Canet’s ‘Ne le dis a personne’ and Claudel’s ‘Il y a longtemps que je t’aime’ in which her acting chops are allowed to let rip). In OGF, she plays a wealthy drugs moll who has spawned two twisted arseholes, one of whom has paedophilic tendencies and the other who specialises in long looks and silence. In possibly the most talked about scene of the film, the mother reveals to the prostitute (?) companion of Gossers that his brother was the far better endowed of the pair in the underpants department. Hilarious and only slightly awkward at best. The only problem is the thin plot and laughable scenes of dodgy prozzies and improvised karaoke-for-killers.

The shots are beautiful and complex, like magnificent photographs. The use of colour scheme is also inspired, evoking a real sense of the squalid yet wealthy world in which these characters operate. If you do go, make sure you see it at the cinema as I think that the small screen (iphone?? WHAT!!!) will just not quite do it justice. I can understand why people hate it – the violence is truly gratuitous and maybe there’s a little too much style over substance. Half the audience at the cinema we went to left! See it for Scott Thomas and Gosling if nothing else, they are both superb.  

Frances Ha...rdly any plot

Dearest readers, it’s been a while...I know that this has, of course, created a gaping hole in your cinematic existences and for that I apologise profusely! In case you were not aware, Britain has been experiencing some serious heat for the first time in living memory and I felt it would be a crime to miss out on it in favour of Sofia Coppola’s latest, potentially disappointing offering (Emma Watson? Paris Hilton’s dog?? PUR-LEASE!!!)

or a documentary that my friend managed to sleep through (although this fact alone is quite a mystery as the documentary in question was ‘The Act of Killing’ which looks pretty immense…) I have taken this opportunity to catch up on some classics that have passed me by over the years including Wong Kar Wai’s exquisite story of longing and heartbreak ‘In The Mood For Love’. I was completely enchanted by it. I watched it three times within the space of a day; the costumes, glances, unbearable, sticky humidity and the great use of the magnificent Nat King Cole soundtrack all blend to create a film of extreme beauty and unforgettable images. It leaves the audience longing, wondering what will happen to these two characters. It also provides a window into Chinese society at that time, something of which I am, unfortunately, totally ignorant.

This Monday, by some stroke of luck, the London sky was looking a little peaky and I could justify going to the cinema TWICE! How marvellous! First, ‘Frances  Ha’ then ‘Dial ‘M’ For Murder’ in 3D. Hitchcock, thank God, is Hitchcock, thus making it impossible for this 3D to be a complete turkey. The detail and brilliant colour certainly made it worth it, above all in the opening scenes as Grace Kelly’s adulterous ways are revealed. The change to 3D didn’t feel gimmicky, having said this I am still not a fan. The only other thing I have seen in 3D was Wim Wender’s excellent documentary on Pina Bausch which used 3D to its greatest extent, bringing to life the strange and wonderful world of Wupperthal. I must admit that I was unfamiliar with ‘Dial ‘M’’ before the other evening and thoroughly enjoyed every moment – it truly is a pleasure to see Hitchcock on the big screen.

If only I could say the same for dear Frances…I had been cynical and dismissive of the trailer and general buzz surrounding the film and its star, Greta Gerwig. All we need is another feckin so-called homage to the bloody French New Wave; the quirky blonde with unkempt hair but a free spirit which will save her from her supposed material poverty, etc, etc.

I can’t quite describe what I felt as I left the cinema. It was a mixture of confusion, gentle comfort at the wonderful images of New York and a sense of mild envy and contempt at the success of such total mediocrity in cinema. Whilst I more than sympathise with the protagonist’s predicament, (i.e. stringing along a selection of crappy jobs in order to succeed in you chosen field) and the daytime recourse to alcohol, I found the characters surrounding the character of Frances profoundly annoying and vacuous. I really cannot understand why Baumbach and Gerwig feel that these city brats merit even more coverage than they already receive in our day-to-day existence. The ambiguous would-like-to-be homosexual relationship between Frances and her best friend Sophie was tedious but could never quite reach the heights of the worst excesses of the pretentious world of modern dance to which Frances intends to dedicate her life’s work. The scenes depicting her status as a “free spirit” will no doubt please the hipster bollocks crowd to which this film is intended but it will take more than a few dodgy plies to win me over.

It has a charm found in the locations used which depict the more comforting elements of the American, cultured middle classes. However, I am thoroughly convinced that when it appears on Film4 in two years’ time at 2am when I am at the peak of my consumption of some beer-flavoured drinks, I will start to verbally abuse my television. I think that Gerwig is a face of our time and certainly has potential but maybe it could be better used in meatier projects.

Onwards and upwards! And the question is: will only God forgive Kristen Scott Thomas’ platinum blonde wig??