Monday, 25 March 2013

No praise for Janet Leigh's death scene


Another week passes, have I got a job? Have I buffalo! Which means that I continue writing this monumental bollocks to my dear CIA agent, Big Dave. Whilst on the subject of BD, I’m afraid I have some bad news – unfortunately my Blazing Saddles DVD has disappeared and therefore I am not able to re-review it except from memory which would lead to a lot of incoherent ramblings (no change there) I’m royally gutted and as soon as I am in employment, I will purchase another copy (let’s aim for June 2016) The gossip mill informs me that Karl Lagers has chosen Kiera Knightley to play Coco Chanel - was this because her Russian accent was so convincing? Seriously, Karl, go easy on the sherry. 



Funds are running low, particularly since most of the “good stuff” is only on at the expensive cinemas (in the highly unlikely event that any of the owners of said cinemas are reading this magnificent pile-o-shite, please, take the hint and provide a ‘Cheap Monday’ option for the dedicated cinemagoers who currently live on beans) Having said that, I wholly endorse the superb Prince Charles Cinema which provides such a service for bean-eating Londoners, however they seem to have hit the repeat button (whilst on speed) on “Silver Linings Playbook” – no problem with that, it’s a cracking film, but it’s been out for about six months already – time to stick on some European trash like ‘Love Crime’ with Kristen Scott-Thomas, largely because I missed it. Roll on ‘Spirit of ‘45’ and a New Old Labour government…I digress.

The aforementioned lack of funds has brought a fruitful discovery of films of yesteryear. I finally saw ‘Psycho’ and must admit that I was more impressed by the stylish settings of the dialogue, particularly in the initial scenes, and the fantastic soundtrack than the famous shower scene. Janet Leigh’s take on “playing dead” was appalling - I’ve seen more convincing performances on ‘Doctors’ (thought I’d pop in a reference for fellow unemployeeds) I mean, she's fully made up, the blood is clearly ketchup and I'm sure I saw her breathing - what a let down! I otherwise enjoyed the film as a whole but it’s not my favourite Hitchcock.



I found a far more effective notion of horror in another film which I have been intending to see for a while, Haneke’s ‘The White Ribbon’.  For those of you who still haven’t seen it, the film takes place on the eve of the First World War tells of the reaction of villagers after a series of peculiar and disturbing events have happened upon its inhabitants. The role of children is fascinating; they are constantly present at the events immediately preceding and following the crimes yet their assumed innocence saves them from the accusing eyes of the fellow villagers. The morals of the adults are highly dubious, bar the rather wet but well-meaning school teacher who proves himself to be the only member of the society courageous enough to even dare to accuse some of the more dubious members of their community, including the children. Haneke’s use of black and white only increases the feeling of unease in relation to the past and the values of these closed, almost incestuous communities ruled by religious hypocrisy and a great fear of those in command. Thoroughly recommended (don’t watch it at night with the lights out – it is deceptively creepy) Moral of the story: don’t let’s be beastly to the German pre-war villagers as they’ll burn down your barn, kill your wife and roger their own children.



On a serious note, I do not wish to cheapen these masterworks, they are both magnificent films and if I can take anything from unemployment (aside from the state benefits, thanks very much) it would be the luxury of time to watch and read. Until next time…

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