Bumper Christmas Special (this one goes out the SLOVENES!)

Dearests…it’s been FAR too long for my liking. My Slovenian fan base is up in arms, I’m sure!

Following months of poverty, I embarked on a punishing yet financially rewarding work schedule which has allowed me to indulge in my greatest vices: cinema and cheap European lager. HURRAH!

Firstly, a mention must be given to Woody Allen’s latest ‘Blue Jasmine’ which continues to grace British cinemas with alacrity. Woody Allen is always controversial. Most people believe this to be due to the Mia Farrow scandal whereas I am inclined to believe in Larry David’s concept that he is, in fact, chastised for his baldness. Nevertheless ‘Blue Jasmine’ is extremely enjoyable. I believe that his true “return to form” occurred with ‘Whatever Works’ and that ‘Midnight in Paris’ was on the verge of bollocks. ‘To Rome With Love’ was truly awful but saved by beautiful scenes of the eternal city. Anyway…I digress. ‘Blue Jasmine’ tells the story of a New York socialite who’s fallen on hard times following revelations of her fraudster husband’s infidelities and Ponzi-scheming. She moves in with her sister in San Francisco, drinks her body weight in vodka and spouts excellent life advice (“Tip big, boys! TIP BIG!”) Blanchett is truly excellent as Jasmine and if she wins the Oscar, I would be totally in agreement. The rest of the cast is also superb (yes, GB reigns supreme!). Despite Allen’s insistence that the parallels between ‘Jasmine’ and ‘Streetcar Named Desire’ had never entered his mind, I beg to differ. Blanchett certainly makes a great modern-day Blanche filled with melodrama, crisis and hysteria. I just hope that future offerings from Allen can continue in this vein rather than returning to the truly awful European vehicles which just didn’t work.

Next, ‘Le Weekend’. What can I say? Great performances from Lindsay Duncan, Jim Broadbent and Jeff Goldblum but please do not go and see this film if you’re looking for some feel-good Britcom. The script is edgy and uneasy; the characters are clearly in crisis but the resolution is not evident. Duncan’s character is particularly difficult. The characters seek comforting nostalgia for their youthful trips to Paris, but all that they experience are further worries and regrets. This does not mean to say that there aren’t some hilarious moments. The chemistry between Broadbent and Duncan is perfect, providing them with a certain ease in delivery. Goldblum is also great as the self-obsessed, successful American abroad who has left the responsibilities of his wife and children at home to explore his faux-bohemian fantasies. We’ve all been there, darling…

Julia and the late, great James Gandolfini deserve a shout out for ‘Enough Said’. It won’t change cinema but still very pleasant viewing and great to see these two fantastic actors on the same screen. I was also lucky enough to get a ticket to Asghar Farhadi’s latest offering ‘Le Passe’ – truly stunning, a great set of performances with an intriguing story.

Cinematically the offerings of the past few month have brought a whiff of “all mouth and no trousers” – in one case quite literally with the monumental bollocks that was ‘Blue is the warmest colour’…let me point out (in a friendly manner) to the writers, directors, producers and, above all, actors of this film that if I had wished to bore my way through three hours of “messy eating” (I am, of course, referring to the consumption of spaghetti), I could have paid some choice looking birds from the Rue Saint Denis. To put it plainly: the acting was shite, the plot was thin at best and made no sense whatsoever. It is rare that I go to a film and feel truly robbed of my money but this film was an exception. 

Thank goodness that this was not the case for the surprise critical hit ‘Gloria’ – a rare Chilean appearance on the London scene. Hilarious, banging soundtrack (LANCA PERFUME!!) and an original take on being middle-aged – who could ask for anything more?

Best of the festive…